Over Troubled Water
by bagelcat1
Summary: Sam has been struggling and a chance encounter with someone from his past helps him gain some perspective. Set after 13.11 Breakdown so spoilers for that episode. ( No Smut, No Slash) Brotherly concern. Canon Compliant.


_**Hi readers! I'm back. I've been working on 6 different stories, but I figured it might be nice to get one of them done and published. This is set right after the events of 13.11 Breakdown and reflects some of the struggle Sam was obviously going through at that point. Let me know your thoughts.**_

Sam stood outside the food court at the mall waiting for Dean. They had agreed to meet here and grab some lunch before heading back to the motel to compare notes. He'd finished interviewing the teenage witness a few minutes ago, and now was leaning against a fiberglass tree strung with plastic coconuts and inflatable monkeys. The miss-matched smells of pizza, cinnamon and french fries hung heavy in the air. Faux jungle decor clashed badly with the modern glass and steel design of the building. He tugged on his tie. He didn't want to be here. All he wanted to do was sleep, to forget about everything for as long as his nightmares would let him. In fact, he was finding it harder and harder to convince himself to get out of bed each day. What was the point, everything was so screwed up.

They'd finally found Jack, only to discover that Mom was being tortured in Apocalypse world. When he closed his eyes, he could hear her moans of pain from the vision Jack had showed them. She was there because of him and Dean. Once they'd found Jack, there'd been a chance, a spark of hope that they could save her. But that plan had failed, and now, Jack was gone again, lost to who knows where. Because of them. Kaia was dead. Because of them. The poor girl hadn't been in their screwed up lives for a full day, and yet she had paid for it with hers. Even Donna and Doug. They'd had a good thing together, but exposure to the Winchesters had ruined everything. Doug was traumatized and Donna had discovered what Sam knew first hand. Hunting brought nothing but pain.

Sam tilted his face back, eyes closed. The open area had a skylight and the sunshine was warm on his face. A tiny part of him, the part that he tried to shove deep down, had almost been disappointed when Dean had rescued him from Clegg. Being sold piece meal to monsters wasn't how he wanted to die, but a bullet to the brain...at least it would have been over quickly. No more worry, or pain or guilt. No more struggling to solve the unsolvable. No more fear or failure, just the empty. Didn't Cas say that it was a place of eternal sleep. Honestly, that sounded appealing, peaceful. He sighed and rolled his face out of the sun, if it wasn't for Dean, well he didn't want to think about that. Scanning the scattered crowd, he saw his brother's distinctive bowlegged walk as Dean made his way over.

"Any luck?," he asked. Dean had been interviewing another witness who supposedly had seen the monster of the week and lived to tell the tale.

"Yeah," Dean replied, loosening his own tie. "Pretty sure you're right. From what he said, we're looking at a pissed off spirit with a thing for swords." Sam just nodded, feeling only slightly satisfied that his hours of research had paid off. "We'll head over to the cemetery after dark and take care of it." Abruptly, Dean inhaled deeply through his nose.

"Mmmmm, Cinnamon buns." He slapped Sam's chest with the back of his hand. "Hey Sam, pick me up a cheeseburger from The Burger Pit and one of those giant cinnamon rolls. I gotta hit the head." And with that, Dean turned and disappeared into the growing lunchtime crowd, headed towards the bathrooms before Sam could stutter out a refusal. He eyeballed the long line at The Burger Pit with a jaundiced look.

There had been a time when Sam had craved the banal normality of shopping malls. He could remember more than one afternoon spent window shopping with Jessica in a place like this. After all these years, he didn't have a clue what they had been browsing for, but he could still remember the feeling of holding her hand as they strolled among the stores. Sam huffed out a breath, and pushed those thoughts back into the Jess shaped hole in his heart that had never healed completely over. He made his way through the crowd and lined up at the burger joint. They had a decent chopped salad, so he figured he'd save himself another line up and just get his lunch here too. Dean could get his own sticky dough and sugar bomb when he came back.

The line moved more quickly than Sam had thought it would and it was only a few minutes later that he had his hands full of bags of food and a tray of sodas. He scanned over the top of the crowd looking for Dean and made his way back towards the edge of the table area. Suddenly there was a loud shriek and a body thumped against his, knocking him slightly off balance. Sam found himself being squeezed around his middle in a hug, and he lifted his hands higher to avoid dropping lunch.

"Oh! My! God! Sam, is that really you!," said a shrill voice. The arms let him go and Sam looked down into the pale face of Becky Rosen. Becky was grinning up at him, then seemed to realize that she was glued to his body. "Oops, sorry," she said, taking a few deliberate steps back, patting his chest two times as she went, "Personal space, my bad. I'm just so happy to see you Sam," Becky enthused, tucking her hands behind her back.

Sam scrambled to paste something close to a smile on his face as he looked over her head for an escape route. Unfortunately, he had gotten pinned behind a table. Someone's stroller was blocking him in on the right and a large post took up the space on his left. Unless he wanted to force his way past Becky he was stuck. Talk about awkward.

Sam suppressed a sigh. He was definitely not in the mood to deal with his self declared, number one fan right now. The last time he had seen her was when they were signing annulment papers and he was recovering from being both drugged with a love potion and knocked out with a waffle iron. His memories from that time were embarrassing and confusing, tainted and twisted by even worse by his hallucinations of Lucifer.

"Uh, Becky, Hi, um...how are you?" He scanned the crowd again hoping for Dean to appear and help extricate him from her clutches, but his brother was still out of sight.

"Oh, I'm good Sam - fantastic. How are you?," Becky asked brightly. "Are you and Dean here hunting a monster?," she asked in a loud stage whisper. Sam glanced around self consciously, but the people within earshot were absorbed in either their food or their cell phones and no one was paying any attention to them.

"Yeah, uh, nothing serious. We'll take care of it tonight," Sam answered lamely. He felt trapped and shifted his feet uncomfortably. His Fed suit suddenly was hot and too tight and he put the drinks and bags of food down on the nearby table so that he could push his hair off his sweaty face and loosen his tie. He felt a little more in control with his hands free.

"Whew, that's good," Becky said with a soft laugh. "Because I am done with hunting," she stated emphatically. Sam tried hard not to roll his eyes as he wiggled a finger beneath his collar.

Becky gazed up at him with a curious expression. She didn't seem nearly as zealous and crazy-eyed as he remembered but she still made him tense. Sam glanced towards the other side of the food court where the bathrooms were. Where the hell was Dean?

"Oh," Becky blurted suddenly, flapping her hands in excitement. "There is someone I'd like you to meet." Turning, she bent and reached into the stroller. Bouncing the baby in her arms gently, she turned back, beaming. "Sam, this is my daughter Samantha."

Sam's heart stuttered to a stop for a few seconds. As far as he could remember, nothing had happened between him and Becky other than a few kisses. He forced his stunned brain to do the quick math. The baby in Becky's arms was years too young to have anything to do with him, he was being ridiculous. Still, he had to give his heart a second to begin to thud again, and he sucked in oxygen that he'd forgotten to access for a moment. Becky didn't notice the flash of panic that he was sure had shown on his face. Instead, she was looking down at the child in her arms with an expression of adoration. Now that he could breathe again, Sam studied her and the baby. Holding her child completely transformed Becky right in front of Sam's eyes.

In their past encounters, Becky had been a geeky and obsessive fan, a bit aggressive and a lot embarrassing. But now, well she seemed like any other new mother as she cuddled her baby. Sam felt some of his anxiety fade as he bent over to look at the tiny face. Little Samantha was pretty adorable, all big blue eyes and pink rosebud mouth, wrapped in a blanket printed with bunnies.

The baby's little hand reached for Sam's hair that had swung forward. He tucked his hair behind his ear again and instead, offered her his right index finger to grab. It looked huge in her tiny fingers, but her grip was firm. She goggled up at him, staring at him as if fascinated.

Becky peeked up at him, a smile softening her angular features. "I think she likes you."

At that moment a man, stepped up to the table and put down a tray of food. He was only a few inches taller than Becky, had neatly combed blond hair, and a broad open face. "Hey sweetheart, who's this?," he asked, putting an arm around Becky's shoulders possessively.

Sam didn't think it was possible for Becky to look happier than she already had been, but when she looked up at the man who held her, she positively glowed.

"Hi, Honey," said Becky fondly kissing the man on the cheek. "This is Sam Winchester. You know, my ex," she said significantly. Sam cringed a little bit at that, but smiled at the newcomer. "Sam," Becky continued with the introduction, "this is my husband David." Sam would swear that she emphasized the word 'husband'.

David stuck out his hand and Sam gently extracted his finger from the baby's grip to shake it. The shorter man looked Sam up and down. "Nice to meet you, Sam," David said with a firm handshake. He nudged his wife affectionately, "Now sweetheart, Sam here isn't your ex-husband. You two were never divorced, so it's more correct to say that he's your former husband."

"Oh David," Becky said with an adoring tone, snuggling in closer and rubbing her husband's arm affectionately. "You're so smart." Turning back to Sam, Becky announced, "David's a lawyer. He specializes in constitutional law," she bragged, obviously proud of her husband. David tugged his sweater down over his khakis self-consciously.

Sam had to admit that he was somewhat impressed. Constitutional law was a very complex specialization and he had to wonder how Becky had found someone so accomplished. Back in his college days he had taken a class in the field. It had been fascinating, but he had planned to focus on criminal law. The thought of his unfinished degree brought a swift pang of regret that he shoved aside.

"So, Sam, Becky tells me that you went to Stanford for pre-Law? That's an excellent school." David seemed sincerely interested. Becky had put the baby back into the stroller and was holding hands with her husband, leaning against his shoulder.

"Well, I did, for a while...but then my brother needed me in the ah...family business." said Sam, feeling slightly embarrassed. What had Becky told him? But David just nodded sagely.

"Oh, I know how that can be. I grew up working in my Dad's dry cleaning business. I had to put off law school for a few years to help him out," David admitted with a sigh. "But what are you gonna do, huh? It's family, and that's the most important thing," he shrugged, smiling at Becky and tenderly brushing a strand of hair off her face. Baby Samantha broke the sweet moment, when she started fussing. David crouched down to wiggle his fingers at the cranky child and Sam felt an odd flare of emotion.

"Oh, oh. I think she needs changing," David said as he scooped up his daughter. "I got her," he cooed at the baby and before his wife could take her, he grabbed the nearby diaper bag. Giving Becky a quick kiss he headed towards the bathrooms. "You two catch up," he called over his shoulder. Becky watched him walk away fondly before turning back to grin at Sam.

xxxxxxx

Dean stood across from the food court looking for Sam. It had gotten more crowded, but he figured his brother should be easy to spot considering that he was at least a head taller than everyone else. He didn't see him, so he checked his watch.

On the way out of the men's room, Dean had run into a woman leaving the mall's administrative offices. Turns out that Krista worked for mall management. She certainly managed to fill out her tight, red, pencil skirt extremely well. If Sam hadn't been waiting for him, he might have taken her up on her offer to join her for, uh "lunch" at her apartment down the road. Still he'd taken a lot longer flirting with her than expected and his brother must be getting anxious. He shook the memory of Krista's curves away regretfully and continued to scan for his brother.

Maybe Sammy had gone to the car? Moving out from the bathroom hallway, into the now crowded gallery, Dean narrowly avoided knocking into a guy holding a crying baby. It was funny, usually he hated the mall, but today it was almost nice to be among lots of normal people just going about their lives. Mom's and dad's with kids, a gaggle of girls who were giggling over something on a cell phone, older folks who were oblivious to the hustle and bustle as they strolled hand in hand. The mall was bright and noisy and a pleasant change from the silent bunker and his gloomy brother.

Sam had been in a pretty dark mood lately. It wasn't like the kid. Usually Sam could muster up enough optimism for the two of them, no matter how bad things got. But lately, with everything going on with Jack and Mom, his brother couldn't seem to shake it off. Getting confirmation that Mom was alive had given Dean a fresh purpose, a focus, something that drove him. It seemed to do the opposite to Sam. He was sleeping until noon, listless and broody. Frankly, Dean was worried about his brother. He had almost lost him again a few days ago. His heart gave a lurch as he thought about it. If he'd been only a moment or two later, Sammy would have been dead, ready to be chopped up for monster chow. He shuddered. It had been way too close, but Dean didn't save Sam from that psycho only to lose him to despair.

After a couple of anxious minutes he caught a glimpse of Sam talking to some woman. The gigantor was partially hidden because he was standing behind a large post with a monkey and some coconuts. Dean smirked. Maybe he wasn't the only one getting some feminine attention today, but from here, the woman more looked like a suburban soccer mom than a potential hook up. Of course Sam generally had lousy taste in women

The woman Sam was talking to turned slightly and he immediately recognized her as Becky Rosen. A surge of anger coursed through him. He had told her in no uncertain terms what he would do to her if she ever went after his brother again. Sam had been pretty messed up after her love potion stunt and right now, he wasn't in a good place. Sam was struggling and he sure didn't need more of Becky's crap. He shoved between a couple of teenagers, eager to get to Sam, but was forced to wait as a string of toddlers from the daycare down the way, shuffled by.

xxxxxxxx

"So, uh you named your daughter Samantha?," Sam was puzzled.

"Oh, not to worry, it's not because of you. Her full name is Samantha Rebecca Rosen Meyer. It's after David's mother. There is this whole big thing about traditional family names in his family and his grandmother…" Sam lost track of what she was saying as he focused on her face. It hit him suddenly as he watched her talk - she was happy. Genuinely, joyful. It was so foreign to him that he almost didn't recognize it. She was animated, but it was natural and relaxed not exaggerated and cringe worthy like before. Her words stuttered to a stop as she realized he was just staring, not hearing a word she was saying. Becky grinned up at him wryly.

"What?," she asked.

"Nothing...sorry." Sam stammered a bit embarrassed at being caught zoning out. "You just seem so..." he paused to find the right word, "happy," he finished lamely.

"You know, I really, really, am." She sounded so satisfied. With a tilt of her head, she looked at him intently, eyebrows scrunched together. "How about you, Sam? Are you happy?"

How could he answer that? He wasn't sure that he knew what happy was anymore - not beyond fleeting moments. His world didn't really allow for the apple pie life that Becky had managed to find. A wife, a baby...these were things he didn't think about much anymore. Things that seemed so foreign to his life that he couldn't even imagine them really. Happy was something that happened to other people. He couldn't bring himself to cast a shadow over her happiness.

"Well, you know how hunting goes," he hedged smoothly. He was saved from having to elaborate by Dean who stormed into view.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Dean barked, loud enough to draw a few startled glances from the nearby tables. Sam grabbed Dean's arm as he shoved himself half way between his brother and Becky.

"Oh, Hi Dean," Becky said calmly, taking a half-step back. Dean was glowering at her, but it didn't seem to ruffle her much. "Sam and I bumped into each other and we were just catching up."

"Yeah, and I'm supposed to believe that?" Dean pointed an accusing finger. "Are you stalking him?" His brother's voice had a dangerous tone to it so Sam tugged his brother back.

"No, I swear, we just stopped here on the way home from a wedding." Becky held her hand up as if swearing an oath.

"Dean, it's okay. We were just talking." Sam silently pleaded with his brother. The last thing he wanted was a giant scene. Dean cast him an assessing look then shrugged out of Sam's grip.

"Yeah, and look how well that went last time," he grumbled, stepping back.

"About that..." Becky twisted her hands together, ignoring Dean for the moment. "I'm really sorry about using that potion on you, Sam. I was at a low point and desperate, but that's not an excuse. What I did was really, really wrong. I know that now, and I'm truly sorry." She met his eyes with an earnestness that surprised him and took a deep breath. "But...despite how badly things went, I need to thank you. What you said to me that day, well it changed my life."

Dean snorted softly beside him, but he could tell that his brother respected the apology. Sam searched his memory, but he honestly couldn't recall his words. Between the love potion, the mild concussion, and Lucifer, his mind was pretty messed up at that point.

"I don't remember what I said, Becky, but I'm glad it helped." Sam replied honestly, rubbing the back of his neck. Dean shuffled beside him and huffed out a cynical sigh, but kept his thoughts to himself.

"Well, you told me that I wasn't a loser, that I was a good person. It meant a lot that you said that." She reached out and tugged Dean's sleeve to include him in the conversation. She blushed but continued passionately. "You both are heroes. You guys saved me, even though I didn't deserve it. You've saved lots of people. Heck, you saved the whole planet more than once. So for you Sam, to say that I was good - especially after what I'd done." Her voice trailed away for a moment before she continued. "That you believed that I could find someone who would actually love me the way that I am...well it made me feel like I was worth something." She shrugged sheepishly and looked at her feet.

Sam didn't know what to say. He was stunned that his words could have had such a big impact on Becky. A quick glance at Dean showed that his brother was less surprised at her confession. Dean gave him the whisper of a smile. With some kind of mom radar, Becky swiveled to see David approach with the baby. She broke into a grin.

"Oh, there's my sweet Sam-a-lamb." Becky cooed, as Samantha gurgled at her. Becky seemed glad for the distraction and snagged the little one from her husband's arms, plastering kisses on her tiny cheeks. David's timing was fortuitous since Sam was still reeling from her revelation. Dean nudged him in the ribs.

"Sam-a-lam?" His brother muttered under his breath, looking both puzzled and amused. Sam ignored him to make introductions.

"Uh, Dean, this is David Meyer, Becky's husband." This time it was Sam who put the slight emphasis on husband. Dean seemed taken aback. He only hoped Dean didn't say anything rude. "David, this is my brother Dean." David dropped the diaper bag on a chair and stuck out a hand.

"Hey Dean, nice to meet you." David said with a friendly smile while Becky bounced the baby on her hip. After a quick pause, Dean shook David's hand. Sam saw the effortless charm Dean projected so easily slide into place and heaved a silent sigh of relief.

"Back at 'cha, David. So what brings you and Becky to town?" The tone was smooth and affable, but Sam knew the real reason for the question.

"Oh, we're just on our way back from my cousin's wedding." David leaned closer as if sharing a confidence. "I joke that Becky and I started a trend when we got married a couple of years ago. Since then it's been non-stop weddings, you know?" He chuckled sociably before putting an arm around his wife. Dean nodded sagely, although Sam was pretty sure Dean had never attended a single wedding in his life.

"And who's this little one," Dean said waggling some fingers at the baby. Becky clutched the baby a little tighter as if Dean was going to steal her, but tilted Samantha towards his brother. The baby babbled adorably at Dean, waving her little hands.

"This is Samantha," Becky said cautiously. If David found his wife's protective behaviour odd in any way, he didn't show it. Sam knew better than to think that Dean wasn't going to grill him about the choice in name later, but he was pleased Dean let it slide for now.

"Congratulations you two, she's cute as a button," said Dean. David just gave Becky an affectionate squeeze.

"Yup, I'm a very lucky man," boasted David.

Sam watched as Dean and the shorter man chatted easily. Generally people thought that his brother was impatient and sarcastic, that Sam was the one with social graces. But Sam had seen time and time again just how seamlessly Dean could slip on that amiable guise. As he watched them talking, Sam wondered briefly if this was the Dean that Lisa had known. The one who could make casual small talk as if he'd been born into a world of barbecues and bowling nights. After a few minutes, the conversation coasted to a natural halt and David checked his watch.

"Well, Honey," he said to Becky. "If we want to beat the traffic into the city, we'd better get back on the road." Becky obediently placed the baby back into the stroller and began to pack up their uneaten lunch. After giving his wife a tender smile, David reached out to shake first his hand, then Dean's. "Sam, Dean, I'm sorry we gotta run. It was such a pleasure to meet you. Becky speaks so highly of you both." Becky cast a hesitant glance at Dean, but smiled up at Sam.

"Yeah, it was really good to see you both again,." she said. David had the stroller in hand and was moving out of table area. Becky lagged behind by fussing with the diaper bag and her purse. When her husband was out of earshot, she lowered her voice. "Thank you," she added with sincerity. Dean gave her a brief nod, but as she turned to go, she stopped and caught Sam's eye. "Be happy Sam," she ordered gently, and then she moved out into the throng of shoppers to join her little family.

Dean shot him a look full of questions which Sam evaded by scooping up their own lunch. Pushing past Dean, he made for the exit where they'd parked, not bothering to check that his brother was following. There was so much running through his head right now, he just wanted a few minutes to process it all. Dean caught up to him by the doors to the parking lot, but fell into step beside him without a word. It wasn't until they reached the car that Dean halted to study him over the roof of the car as Sam juggled their lunch to open the door.

"Dude, you okay?"

That was a complicated question. On one hand, he was kinda proud that his words had helped Becky. And although he long ago learned that this job wasn't about praise or recognition, he'd be lying if her thanks hadn't felt good. On the other hand, seeing that Becky had found love, started a family, all the things that he had once wanted, but could never have. Well it stung more than he'd like to admit.

Dean was waiting for an answer, concern evident in the tilt of his head, but Sam settled for a shrug as he pulled the door open, and folded himself into the familiar seat. Maybe the point he has been looking for earlier was simple. He'd never get the apple pie life, and that was Okay. He had made peace with his choices. But maybe he could help create a world where the Beckys and Davids of the world could fall in love, have a baby, and enjoy a contented and peaceful life. Sam looked over at Dean, cramming a handful of fries into his mouth and tapping his thumb on the steering wheel in tune to the music. His brother shot a crooked grin his way and Sam had to chuckle. The world seemed a little lighter and he felt more settled. Sure things were pretty bad right now, and he had no idea how they were going to find Jack and save Mom. But for right now, he had his brother beside him, the Impala beneath him, and a spirit to put to rest. It might not be normal, but maybe life wasn't so dark after all.


End file.
